Once Upon a Troll

Message-ID: 3ABD9FF9.CE2705DD@home.com
From: natelan@home.com
Newsgroups: alt.music.jethro-tull
Subject: Once upon a troll…
Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2001 07:36:25 GMT

Once upon a time, in a village far, far away… A big, ugly troll terrified and harassed the good town of “Broadford.” The citizens and townspeople all feared the troll. They hid from it at all cost. And instead of bringing the little town to ruins, and moving-on to another city, the Troll persisted in driving Broadford to the ground, while making sure to warn any ignorant newcomers with rude, hostile remarks, that their presence was indeed unwanted.

“I'm the biggest, badest troll in all the land” shouted Troll, “And I will not sleep until I have exterminated every last one of you!”

And with a gruesome display of might, the troll would rampage the village, tearing down houses, stomping on babies, and even fornicating forcefully with the womenfolk.

When the troll was not feeling particularly forceful, he would express his anger by means of deception. He would imitate the inhabitants of the town, and create false gossip by emulating the physicality of respected individuals, and endowing their reputations with alter ego traits. But after only a few weeks, the Broadfordians became keen to his methods of defamation, and ignored such attempts of by the troll.

This only enraged the mighty beast further. To achieve breaking the soul and spirits of the town, he soon realized he would have to spend every moment of each day, creating havoc. He compensated his sleepless nature, with large quantities of meth amphetamines.

Occasionally, brave men would step-up to this troll, and engage him with wise comments, “Troll, have you nothing better to do, than to spend your entire days and nights terrorizing us in such a brute fashion?”

“Troll, have you no other daily obligations, that you may devote all waking moments to pummel our town to ruin?”

“Troll, have you no shame, that you may apply such ruthless behavior to a town deserving nothing more than a warm embrace?”

Despite the troll being often dumbfounded by these inquiries, he over time learned to avoid them, by trying to sound wiser than his contends, and upon completion of such a task, he would drive his horns into their hearts and fling them across to adjacent cities, with a grand shaking of his head. And then, usually showing his true nature of speech, would then begin to use his latest brawl, as a scare tactic to the remaining few townspeople, “And let that be a lesson to ye all! I shall have no patience with up-risers! I hate you all, AND your puny town of Broadford!”

For years and years, his vice on the city halted trade and communication between it and neighboring lands. He would even taunt distant villages while Broadford lay in rest; villages such as: Syrinx, Black Mountain and Crystal Ship.

It seemed as though all hope were lost, until one day, Broadford was paid a visitor. This visitor was another troll.

“Oh dear God, not another troll,” begged the people to their spiritual guidance, “That's the last thing we need!”

But this troll wasn't any normal troll. She was a very beautiful troll. A very beautiful troll, in heat.

Feeling inclined to satisfy her growing discontent of sexual pleasure, she searched out this now infamous, rageful troll. She appeared to him, as he was on his hourly rampage through town.

“Good troll of Broadford, I beseech thee, aide me in my campaign for decent health,” the lady troll continued, “I have a passion growing within me; a passion, that I feel, may only be extinguished by a troll of your character.”

With this, the troll of Broadford ceased his assault, and pondered the visitor's words. He had never experienced any emotions even similarly related to the concept of “love.”

And before the troll could even respond, the female troll hopped on his naked body, and faaked him over and over. They faaked for hours. On top of buildings, in green pastures, anywhere imaginable. His most astounding source of pleasure, came from having his newfound mate plunge her 12, wide, coarse fingers into his recently expanding anal cavity.

After 3 months of non-stop sexual activity, the troll stood-up and screamed, “God damn, it feels good to get laid! I always wondered what I was missing!!”

And with that, the troll and his lover pranced off into the forest, never to be heard or seen from again. And Broadford was then allowed to live in peace and harmony, as it had been before the troll's reign.